Tripping Thru Recovery

The last two days of my journey, I felt bummed and a little sad.  I knew this was all coming to an end.  For the last ten months, I had been focused on only 2 things, my recovery and planning this road trip to courage.  I tried to stay focused on Louisville and Nashville, to enjoy every minute of what was left to see, but my heart was so full of disappointment.  Instead of living in the moment, I allowed myself to get caught up in the future.  I kept thinking, what now?  Again, I had fallen into my old way of thinking.

As I made my way into Alabama, I tried to correct my thoughts by pretending this was another new state that I had never seen before.  It actually worked for a while.  The intensity of color all around me was mesmerizing.  The trees were the most vibrant green with splashes of purple, yellow, and deep pink flowers mixed in.  The mountains through Cullman, could definitely compete with any other state I drove through.  Sometimes, you don’t actually see the beauty of where you live, you walk through your day to day life with foggy, mundane glasses on.  It’s there, we just have to clean those glasses or get a new pair.  I soaked in the wonderful pallet of Spring colors Alabama has to offer, until I got closer to home.

Those pesky worries popped in my head again.  I took the exit to my house, then sat there for a good few minutes.  If I kept straight, I could keep heading South to Florida and prolong my road trip.  If I turned right, I could be home in less than 5 minutes.  The thought of taking that right turn meant the adventure was over and I didn’t want it to be.  I finally convinced myself that I should go home, see my family and if I wanted to leave again, I could.  Still, the nagging question, what now?, was swirling in my head.

Seeing my family, my dogs and some very dear lady friends was awesome, but I was still feeling down.  Then I called my closest confidant and trusted advisor.  She always has pearls of wisdom to help me put things in perspective.  When I told her how I was feeling, she reassured me that it’s human to feel sad that my trip is over.  I asked her, “What am I supposed to do now???”.  Her answer, “Ask God, then patiently wait for the answer.  It always comes.”  I knew that, guess I just needed reminding.  The trip may be over, but the adventures on recovery road will continue, just waiting on details from The Big Guy.